


Despair

by Angel_With_The_Shotgun



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Love, Crying, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Protective Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 14:04:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12300660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_With_The_Shotgun/pseuds/Angel_With_The_Shotgun





	Despair

Angry. Bitter. Devastated. 

Above all - hopeless.

There's been months since Dean lost Cas.  
Months of despair and ugly nightmares.  
Spent nights on trying to find a way to bring him back made him pretty much reckless.

Sam was afraid. He was afraid that he'll get himself in trouble, or worse, get killed because.. well, he just didn't care.  
Sam tried to get through to him. He tried. It was pointless. Dean just wouldn't listen.

"Dean, he wouldn't want you to... " Sam tried again.

"Who cares what would he want, okay!? Sam was startled with Dean's sudden outburst.

"He's gone, okay, gone! And I have to just get over it, right? Like it's nothing and he is no one.."

"Dean, I didn't..."

"I know what you're trying, Sam.. I get it.. but I can't.. I can't wake up every day and realize this is now our reality.. it makes me so angry that I can't change a thing, Sammy.. I'm sick of it." his voice got a little bit softer.

"I wish entire world exploded that night, because what's the point? To live like this the entire life? If it's going to be like this, then I don't want it. If it wasn't for you, I don't know what would I.." words stopped and Dean closed his eyes and laid on his back on his bed.

"I miss him." Dean's words were barely audible.  
"And it's only getting worse. Sometimes I think my heart will stop, because it hurts so much, and I.. I can't take it.."

Sam's eyes got wet. He sat next to Dean.

"Dean..." his voice cracked.  
"Please.. Let me help. I wanna help."

"You can't." his voice was almost a whisper. Tear slipped down his face. He didn't stop it.

"I can. If you would just let me. I know I probably can't help a lot, but please, Dean..."

More tears.

"I can't stand looking at you like this. And I'm worried sick you'll get yourself killed.  
I know you don't care. I know it, Dean. But I do. And I will lock you down here if I have to. Please.  
Punch me if you have to let it out, whatever you need, man, I'm right here.. we'll find a way..."

Dean didn't move this entire time, he just covered his face with his hands.

He listened Sam's speech and couldn't stop his silent sobs, which became more loud with each second.

"Sam.." he wanted to say more but just broke down.

"No, no, hey.."

Sam somehow maneuvred Dean back to sitting position and put his arms protectively around him.  
He couldn't believe how small Dean actually felt in his arms. Like a little lost child. Sam's heart bled for his brother.

"It's okay, let it out, I'm here. Not going anywhere."  
But it seems like last words hurt him even more, and he started to feeling sick.

"Hey, what's going on?!" Sam started to panic when Dean practically doubled over all of a sudden.

"Toilet?" Sam asked in confusion. Dean nodded. They hurried to the bathroom. Nothing. Dean practically sprawled against the toilet, but he was just dry heaving.

Sam was behind him and rubbed gently his back. After a few minutes he managed to calm down, using his brothers chest to lean on.

He sighed loudly. Sam put his hand around him.

"I'm so tired Sammy. Tired of losing everyone.. I really am."

"I got you. We'll make it. I promise you." they stayed like this for a few moments.

"Come on, let's get you to bed." Sam got up and helped his brother. Dean let him.

He laid down on his stomach, exhausted. Sam covered him with a warm blanket.  
Dean dozed off almost immediately, but his brother couldn't make himself go to his own room and rest. Instead, after sitting for a while on Deans bed, he sat down next to his bed, because he will be damned if he leaves him all alone when Dean needs him the most.

"We'll get through this, I promise you, Dean. We will.'"  
Sam whispered the words to the almost entire dark room.


End file.
